« on: August 08, 2008, 06:15:26 PM »
Stopped for speeding
• A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
Wearing your jacket back wards !
Motorcycle wisdom of the road
• Midnight bugs taste best.
• Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.
• Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.
• The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
• Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
• Never mistake horsepower for staying power.
• If you don't ride in the rain - you don't ride.
• A bike on the road is worth two in the shed.
• Young riders pick a destination and go. . . Old riders pick a direction and go.
• A good mechanic will let you watch without charging you for it.
• Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
• Winter is Nature's way of telling you to polish your bike.
• Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
• The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.
• A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2 am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere.
• There's something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer.
• Practice wrenching on your own bike.
• Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit
• Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
• If you ride like there's no tomorrow - there won't be.
• Gray-haired riders don't get that way from pure luck
• There are drunk riders. There are old riders. There are NO old, drunk riders.
• No matter what marquee you ride, it's all the same wind.
• Only a Biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.
• Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"
The rabbit biker
• Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle." Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell.